Managing Constructive Feedback in the Workplace with Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)
Do you struggle with managing RSD and feedback in the workplace? Constructive criticism can feel like a personal attack, even though it's intended to help. Many ADHD women with RSD experience intense emotional pain in response to feedback, making workplace interactions feel incredibly challenging. However, with a few practical strategies, you can manage these overwhelming emotions and turn feedback into a personal and professional growth tool.
If you resonate with this, read on for strategies for staying calm, building self-compassion, and using feedback constructively.
Understanding Why Feedback Can Feel Like Rejection
Sense of Belonging at Risk
Feedback can trigger the brain’s “threat” response in ADHD'ers. This reaction can make constructive criticism feel personal and intense as if your sense of belonging or value is at stake.
Defense Mechanism Activation
RSD also activates the brain’s self-protective system, causing heightened emotional responses to perceived threats. Unfortunately, these reactions can sometimes create a cycle where future rejection becomes more likely!
Recognizing the Neurobiology of RSD
Understanding that these responses stem from brain wiring and evolution—not personal weakness—can help you approach feedback with self-compassion. With this awareness, you can learn to process feedback without being overwhelmed.
Practical Steps for Managing RSD and Feedback in the Workplace
1. Start by Calming Your Nervous System
Begin by grounding yourself with deep breaths or noticing five things around you and naming them. This slight pause helps calm the nervous system, preventing an intense “fight-or-flight” reaction.
Try This: Pause, breathe deeply, and say, “I am safe; I don’t need to react immediately.”
2. Set Boundaries for Processing Time
If feedback feels overwhelming, let the person know you need time to process it. This boundary allows you space to reflect without the pressure to respond immediately.
Try This: Respond with, “Thank you—I’ll need a bit of time to process this,” or “I appreciate your input; I’ll circle back once I’ve had a chance to reflect.”
3. Acknowledge Your Initial Reaction with Self-Compassion
Once you’ve calmed down, notice any lingering feelings. RSD can make feedback feel personal, so acknowledge this reaction without judgment. Remember that it’s a natural response that doesn’t define your worth.
Try This: Tell yourself, “It’s okay that this feels intense; my reaction is valid.”
4. Separate Feedback from Self-Worth
Identify what the feedback actually targets, such as a specific task or skill, to create distance between it and your self-worth. This perspective helps reinforce that feedback is not a judgment on you as a person.
Try This: Ask Yourself, “What specific area is this feedback about?” to prevent it from feeling all-encompassing.
5. Reframe Feedback with Your Strengths in Mind
Use feedback to remind yourself ADHD people have executive funcitoning struggles that are brain-based. For example, if feedback concerns the organization, consider going on record with HR and asking for accommodations. ADHD is viewed as a disability, and you are entitled to reasonable accommodations.
Try This: Instead of thinking, “They don’t appreciate how I work,” reframe it as “This is a chance to explore new ways to make my job easier."
6. Challenge Cognitive Distortions Prompted by RSD
RSD can lead to thought patterns like catastrophizing or personalizing. Recognizing these patterns can help you reframe your thoughts into a balanced perspective.
Try This: Ask, “Is this feedback really about me as a person or just one part of my work? Is this feedback something that can help me improve and grow?
In the example above it can help you grow your self-advocacy skills.
7. Respond with Self-Compassion
Embrace self-compassion as you process feedback. Remind yourself that constructive criticism is a part of everyone’s journey and doesn’t diminish your value. Additionally, remember that workplaces often require skills outside your natural strengths.
Try This: Affirm, “This feedback helps me grow in some way; it doesn’t define my worth.” Note: sometimes, the feedback doesn't help you grow in the way that it was anticipated.
8. Seek Clarity to Stay Grounded
If parts of the feedback are unclear, ask for specifics to ensure understanding and reduce the chance of misinterpretation. Follow up.
Try This:
When feedback is unclear, following up with a clarifying email can help ensure understanding and reduce the chance of misinterpretation.
Here's an sample email follow up after a performance review or feedback session. This is a polite way to request more specifics:
Subject: Follow-up on Feedback for Clarification
Hello [Manager’s Name],
Thank you for taking the time to provide feedback on my work. I want to ensure I fully understand your recommendations and apply them effectively. Could you clarify a few points on [specific area or project mentioned] so that I can focus on the right areas for improvement?
Your insights are very helpful, and I’d appreciate any specific examples or suggestions you may have for refining my approach.
Thank you again for your guidance.
Best,
[Your Name]
This approach shows appreciation, keeps the tone professional, and focuses the conversation on actionable insights.
9. Celebrate Small Wins to Build Positive Associations with Feedback
Each time you manage RSD and feedback in the workplace calmly or apply it in a way that suits your strengths, take a moment to recognize it. Celebrating small wins reinforces confidence and makes future feedback feel more manageable.
Try This: Keep a journal of these moments as a reminder of your resilience and progress.
10. Create an Internal “Supportive Mentor” Voice
Imagine a supportive neurodivergent mentor offering feedback and advice kindly. This mental tool helps you see feedback as guidance from someone who cares about your success, allowing you to feel encouraged. It might be your therapist, another person who understands and loves you deeply, or someone you trust.
11. Separate Constructive Criticism from Rejection
RSD can blur the line between feedback and rejection. To avoid this, break down feedback into specific, actionable steps. Focusing on practical aspects helps you view feedback as guidance rather than judgment.
Try This: Take notes and write down action items to view feedback as a list of manageable steps.
12. Develop a Support System for Feedback Reflection
Talking with a trusted colleague, mentor, or therapist can help you process feedback constructively. This support system can balance emotional reactions and offer new perspectives on what is helpful about the feedback.
Reflection: Assessing Your Work Environment and Job Fit
Feedback can be constructive, but the work environment must be supportive.
Use this checklist to assess if your current job aligns with your strengths and values:
✅ I feel appreciated at work.
If not, consider whether a lack of appreciation might contribute to stress.
✅ Feedback I receive is balanced and constructive, with strengths and improvement areas.
If feedback is primarily negative, reflect on how this impacts your motivation and well-being.
✅ I feel encouraged and supported by my manager or immediate supervisor.
If not, think about how a lack of support might affect your ability to thrive.
✅ My role focuses on my strengths and aligns with my natural abilities as an ADHD person.
If not, consider whether your role is compatible with how your brain works best.
✅ Feedback feels helpful and growth-oriented rather than discouraging or draining.
If feedback feels unproductive, this might signal that your job is not the best fit.
✅ I feel my current job supports my long-term career and personal goals.
If not, it may be time to explore roles that align better with your strengths and aspirations.
Reflection: Recognizing Signs of a Toxic Work Environment
Sometimes, it’s not just RSD that makes feedback challenging; the environment might affect your well-being.
Here are signs that your workplace may be toxic:
✅ Lack of Appreciation
You rarely feel recognized for your contributions or hard work.
✅ Imbalanced Feedback
Feedback is almost always negative, focusing little on your strengths or achievements.
✅ Feeling Dismissed
Your ideas, concerns, or contributions are often ignored or undervalued.
✅ Lack of Support
You feel unsupported by your manager or colleagues, which makes it challenging to succeed.
✅ High Stress and Burnout
The work environment frequently makes you feel exhausted, anxious, or mentally drained.
✅ Unclear Expectations
You’re unsure about your role, responsibilities, or the standards you’re being held to.
✅ Consistent Negativity
The workplace culture is marked by gossip, distrust, or an absence of positivity and encouragement.
✅ Low Morale Among Colleagues
Your coworkers also seem disengaged, discouraged, or dissatisfied.
✅ Frequent Doubts About Belonging
You regularly question whether you belong in this workplace or if your values align with its culture.
If you find yourself checking several of these boxes, consider whether the work environment may contribute to your stress rather than solely personal factors. Recognizing these signs can help you clarify whether your current job aligns with your needs or if exploring a new opportunity could support a healthier, more positive work experience.
Building a Resilience Plan for Long-Term Growth
Developing a resilience plan can help you build confidence in managing RSD and feedback over time. It enables you to keep yourself regulated and trust that you can process the input and use it to your advantage to grow.
A work environment that values your unique strengths and provides constructive support is essential for long-term satisfaction and growth. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Each step in managing constructive feedback in the workplace with RSD helps you grow. Reframing input for your use, setting boundaries, build resilience toward thriving in the workplace.