Navigating Emotions with Cognitive Emotion Regulation: A Guide for ADHD Women

Many of my clients get overwhelmed suddenly if they get sad, angry, or anxious and don't know what to do. ADHD women can have intense emotions that feel like they come out of nowhere.

When this happens, you might lash out shut or try to avoid the situations that cause these emotions, which might cause you more problems. It's normal when you have strong feelings to try to get rid of them however you can, but these are often ineffective solutions.

Cognitive Emotion Regulation (CER) provides a framework for managing your emotions intentionally without suppressing or denying them.

In this guide, we’ll explore:

• What CER is and why it matters for ADHD women.
• The difference between adaptive and maladaptive CER strategies.
• Detailed, practical tools you can use to navigate life’s emotional challenges with clarity, care, and self-compassion.

What is Cognitive Emotion Regulation?

At its core, Cognitive Emotion Regulation (CER) involves using your thoughts to shape your emotional responses.

Think of your emotions as a team of powerful wild horses pulling you in different directions. CER acts as the reins—not to control or suppress the horses, but to guide them in a way that serves you.

Challenges like rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), emotional flooding, and difficulty recovering from setbacks are everyday struggles for ADHD women. CER can help by:

1. Breaking cycles of overthinking and rumination.
2. Constructively reframing perceived failures or criticisms.
3. Supporting emotional balance.
4. Fostering resilience and self-compassion in daily life.

Cognitive emotional regulation is that it doesn’t require you to “fix” yourself or deny your feelings. Instead, it invites you to approach your emotions with curiosity and kindness, guiding them in a way that aligns with your values and needs.

Adaptive vs. Maladaptive CER Strategies

Your emotional responses are shaped by the thoughts you use to process them. Some of these thought patterns are adaptive, helping you grow and move forward. Others are maladaptive ( not so helpful) , keeping you stuck in distress or self-criticism.

Adaptive Cognitive Emotion Regulation Strategies

These strategies promote resilience and help you manage emotions constructively:

1. Acceptance: Acknowledging reality without judgment.
2. Positive Refocusing: Shifting attention to something uplifting or neutral.
3. Refocus on Planning: Turning emotional energy into actionable steps.
4. Positive Reappraisal: Finding growth or meaning in a challenge.
5. Putting into Perspective: Viewing situations in a broader context to reduce their intensity.

Maladaptive Cogntive Emotional Regulation Strategies That Plague ADHD People

These patterns often worsen emotional distress and anxiety:

1. Rumination: Replaying negative experiences over and over.
2. Catastrophizing: Imagining worst-case scenarios.
3. Self-Blame: Taking full responsibility for every setback.
4. Blaming Others: Attributing all responsibility to external factors.

For women with ADHD, recognizing these maladaptive patterns is the first step toward shifting into more supportive and empowering thought habits.

9 Adaptive Cognitive Emotion Regulation Tools for ADHD Women

Let’s dive into actionable tools you can use to practice Cogntive Emotional Regulation daily.

1. The “One Small Shift” Strategy

What It Is: This tool encourages you to focus on one positive aspect, however small, in a challenging moment.

Why It Works: ADHD brains are prone to amplifying setbacks, making small challenges feel overwhelming. Finding one good thing helps shift your perspective.

How to Use It:

• Ask yourself: “What’s one small good thing about this situation?”
• Example: After forgetting an appointment, think, “I communicated with my team, and they understand. That’s a win.”
• Pro Tip: Write down one small positive thing daily to reinforce this habit.

2. Grounding Techniques

What It Is: Grounding uses your senses to anchor you in the present, calming emotional surges and reducing anxiety.

Why It Works: By engaging your senses, you disrupt overthinking and create a sense of safety.

How to Use It:

• Try the 5-4-3-2-1 Method: Identify five things you see, four you can touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.
• Example: In a stressful meeting, notice the color of the walls (sight), the texture of your pen (touch), and the sound of typing (hearing).
• Pro Tip: Carry a grounding object, like a smooth stone, to focus on during emotional spikes.

3. Visual Thought Sorting

What It Is: This involves categorizing your thoughts into “helpful,” “unhelpful,” and “neutral” to gain clarity.

Why It Works: ADHD brains often generate a flood of thoughts. Sorting them visually helps you prioritize what matters.

How to Use It:

• Write down your thoughts and label each as helpful, unhelpful, or neutral.
• Example: Replace “I’m terrible at this” (unhelpful) with “I’m learning, and that’s okay” (helpful).
• Pro Tip: Use color-coded sticky notes for a tangible, visual boost.

4. Cognitive Emotion Regulation  Scripts

What It Is: Pre-written prompts to guide your thinking during emotionally charged moments.

Why It Works: Scripts provide structure for reframing emotions, which can feel overwhelming for ADHD minds.

How to Use It:

• Fill in the blanks: “I feel ____ because ____. A kinder way to think about this is ____.”
• Example: “I feel frustrated because I forgot my deadline. A kinder way to think is, ‘I can try again and use reminders next time.’”
• Pro Tip: Keep scripts for common challenges in your phone, journal, or paper.

5. Humor

What It Is: Turning your emotions into quirky characters to make them feel less intimidating.

Why It Works: Humor lightens emotional intensity and empowers creative reframing.

How to Use It:

• Give emotions silly names and personalities.
• Example: Imagine “Worried Wendy” wearing a bright tutu and shouting, “The sky is falling!”
• Pro Tip: Doodle or draw your emotional characters for a playful visual.

6. Rejection Reframes

What It Is: Reinterpreting silence or criticism in a way that feels less personal.

Why It Works: Rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) can make minor setbacks feel monumental. Reframing lessens this intensity.

How to Use It:

• Remind yourself: “Silence doesn’t mean rejection. It’s probably not about me.”
• Example: If a friend doesn’t reply, think, “They’re probably  busy, not ignoring me.”
• Pro Tip: Practice affirmations like, “I’m worthy, even if I don’t get immediate feedback.”

7. Self-Compassion

What It Is: Treating yourself as kindly as you would a close friend.

Why It Works: Self-compassion counteracts the harsh self-criticism common in ADHD.

How to Use It:

• Ask: “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
• Example: If you miss a deadline, ask yourself, “What would I say to Janet if this happened to her?”
• Pro Tip: Keep a list of compassionate phrases on hand for challenging moments.

8. Micro-Steps

What It Is: Breaking tasks into tiny, manageable actions.

Why It Works: ADHD brains often feel overwhelmed by large tasks. Micro-steps build momentum.

How to Use It:

• Break a big task into 5-10 small actions.
• Example: For “clean the kitchen,” start with “put one plate in the dishwasher.”
• Pro Tip: Celebrate completing each step, no matter how small.

9. Gratitude + Affirmations

What It Is: Combining gratitude with positive self-talk.

Why It Works: Gratitude focuses on the positive, while affirmations build confidence.

How to Use It:

• End each day by writing one thing you’re thankful for and one affirmation.
• Example: “I’m thankful for my supportive friend. I can have people in my life who care about me.”
• Pro Tip: Pair this practice with a calming evening routine, like journaling or meditation.

Conclusion

Navigating emotions as a woman with ADHD can feel like an uphill battle, but tools like cognitive, emotional regulation make it possible to move forward with clarity and self-compassion. By practicing these adaptive strategies, you’ll be better equipped to handle life’s challenges without losing sight of your strengths and worth.

Start small—choose one or two strategies to practice this week. Over time, these tools can transform how you engage with your emotions, fostering resilience, confidence, and kindness in your daily life.

You’ve got this. 💛

Learn about Emotional Literacy