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For many women with ADHD, the idea of self-compassion can feel confusing. How do you actually do it? If you’re used to being hard on yourself, showing kindness to yourself might feel unnatural or even uncomfortable. But self-compassion isn’t something you need to master overnight—it’s a skill you can build over time.
Here’s one simple self-compassion exercise to start learning self compassion. YOu can start using it right away to support ADHD emotional regulation:
How to Take a Self-Compassion Break as a Way to Learn Self-Compassion to support ADHD
The next time you feel stressed, frustrated, or overwhelmed, follow these three steps for a self-compassion break:
Step 1: Notice Your Feelings Pause and check in with yourself. How does your body feel? Is your chest tight? Are your shoulders tense? Maybe there’s a pit in your stomach. Simply notice the sensations and name what you’re feeling:
- “This is really hard right now.”
- “I feel so overwhelmed and upset.”
- “This hurts.”
This step is called mindfulness—it’s about noticing your feelings without judging them. Mindfulness and self-compassion are powerful tools for managing ADHD stress.
Step 2: Remind Yourself That Struggling is Normal When things go wrong, it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one who struggles. But you’re not alone—struggling is part of being human. Remind yourself:
- “Other people feel like this too.”
- “I’m not alone in this.”
- “It’s normal to have hard moments.”
This step helps reduce feelings of isolation and makes it easier to connect to others. Practicing self-compassion for ADHD is about reminding yourself that the challenges you face are shared by many.
Step 3: Be Kind to Yourself Place a hand on your heart, stomach, or another comforting spot. Feel the warmth of your touch and let it remind you to treat yourself gently. Say:
- “I’m doing the best I can.”
- “I deserve kindness, even when I’m struggling.”
- “What do I need right now to support myself?”
If it feels hard to think of kind words for yourself, imagine what you’d say to a friend in the same situation. Then, offer those same words to yourself. This practice is key in developing self-kindness and ADHD management skills.
A Relatable Example: Sarah’s Overwhelming Morning
Now let’s meet Sarah, a 36-year-old woman with ADHD, who had one of those mornings that felt impossible to recover from. Here’s how she used a self-compassion break to turn things around.
Sarah’s Story
Sarah woke up late because she hit snooze on her alarm too many times. She rushed to get her kids ready for school, only to realize she was out of the breakfast foods they like. Then she couldn’t find her keys—again.
By the time Sarah got out the door, she was already 15 minutes late for work. As she drove, her inner critic kicked in:
- “Why can’t I get my life together?”
- “This is so embarrassing—why am I always such a mess?”
- “Everyone else seems to handle mornings just fine. What’s wrong with me?”
Sarah felt a lump in her throat, her chest tightened, and tears threatened to spill over. Normally, she’d let this spiral ruin her day. But today, she remembered her self-compassion practice.
How Sarah Took a Self-Compassion Break for ADHD
Noticing Her Feelings Sarah pulled into a parking lot and paused for a moment. She closed her eyes and tuned into her body. Her chest felt tight, her shoulders were stiff, and her breathing was shallow. She said to herself:
- “This is really hard right now.”
- “I feel so overwhelmed and frustrated.”
Reminding Herself That Struggling is Normal Sarah reminded herself that ADHD often makes mornings challenging, and she’s not alone in feeling this way. She said:
- “Other people with ADHD have mornings like this too.”
- “I’m not the only one who struggles.”
- “It’s okay to have tough moments—this happens to everyone.”
This helped Sarah feel less isolated and more connected to others.
Being Kind to Herself Sarah placed her hand on her chest and took a deep breath. She said:
- “I’m doing the best I can right now.”
- “I deserve kindness, even when things are tough.”
- “What can I do to support myself in this moment?”
She realized she needed to focus on what she could do next instead of dwelling on what had already gone wrong. She made a plan to explain her situation to her manager and let go of the guilt about being late.
Why This Practice Helped Sarah
Without a self-compassion break, Sarah might have carried the weight of her rough morning all day, feeling ashamed and defeated. But by taking a moment to pause, notice, and be kind to herself, she:
- Stopped her inner critic from spiraling out of control.
- Calmed her emotions and regained focus.
- Approached the rest of her day with resilience and self-acceptance.
Your Turn: Practice Self-Compassion Like Sarah
If Sarah’s story feels familiar, know that you’re not alone—and you can use a self-compassion break for ADHD to shift your perspective in tough moments. The next time life feels overwhelming, try these steps:
- Notice Your Feelings – Pay attention to what you’re feeling, without judgment.
- Remind Yourself That Struggling is Normal – You’re not alone; challenges are part of life.
- Be Kind to Yourself – Offer yourself the same compassion you’d give a friend.
Learning self-compassion takes practice, and it might feel awkward at first—but the more you do it, the stronger the skill becomes. Incorporating self-compassion exercises into your daily routine can be transformative for ADHD emotional regulation and stress management.
